Challenge Accepted

I've developed a sick pleasure working in the ICU. Nothing kinky or anything like that. Get your mind out of the gutter. It defies all instincts developed in nursing school.

When I was a naive little student, I dreaded the bed bath. Even more so than the poop clean. So we'll just say I learned to face my fears after I landed my job in total care nursing.

Now I pride myself in my ICU "admission bath" skills. In my unit, everyone gets a chlorhexidine admission scrub down. EVERYONE. Alert & oriented X 3 will not get you out of it, sorry.

Most people aren't gross at all. Maybe there's a little yeasty goodness down yonder, or dry skin. No big deal. But every so often, we get a good one. One that gives us the deer-in-headlights look after we strip the covers off.

Teeth are blackened and missing. Breath smells like a rotting corpse. Beards to the navel with God-knows-what living inside. Skin dry and scaly and falling off all over the sheets and drifting into air. Sweaty armpits and dirt (or what we hope is only dirt) caked fingernails. Blackheads in places that shouldn't have blackheads. Slimy pudding like substances caked in the reproductive orifices. Smears of fecal matter on the rear. And toenails like gnarled dead tree branches.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

For seemingly hopeless cases such as this, we break out the triple threat. Chlorhexidine, Aloe Vesta Shampoo/Soap (or what ever daily wash we are carrying in the Pyxis at the time), and a nice bar of Dial Soap. Lots and lots and lots of soap, little bit of water. And basically I pour the whole concoction all over. Forget saving the linens that were already on the bed, they were ruined the second they hit the sheets.

So there's my secret. The triple threat can turn the nastiest patient into an ad for personal hygiene. Don't forget the hit the teeth with a chlorhexidine mouthwash of some sort.

Happy Bathing!