Ring Ring.
"Floor nurse, how can I help you?"
"Hey floor nurse, it's ICU nurse. I have a lady here that says she is Mr. ETOH DTs estranged wife. I'm just going to send her on up ok?"
"That's fine ICU nurse. But could you do something first?"
"Sure."
"Stall her for about 10 minutes. He just shit on the floor. And now he's rolling in it."
"Uh yeh. No problem. But something tells me she's probably seen worse."
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Sense of Entitlement
I'm going to be very vague, just in case the HIPAA monsters are trying to find me.
-You may not abuse rules and policies of your hospital simply because you work there.
-You may not stalk the nurses and question everything they do when your job title puts you as far from bedside care as possible and does not allow you to do anything patient care related.
-You may not be a bitch to the nurse who calls your bullshit-rule-breaking. You also may not try to report her to her supervisor. Didn't know I already report YOU to YOUR supervisor did you?
- After all this, you may not expect all the other nurse to be extra nice to you. Bitch nurse has already activated the Crazy-Family-Alert.
Thank you and I promise your family member lying in that bed is my first priority. You, however, are not.
-You may not abuse rules and policies of your hospital simply because you work there.
-You may not stalk the nurses and question everything they do when your job title puts you as far from bedside care as possible and does not allow you to do anything patient care related.
-You may not be a bitch to the nurse who calls your bullshit-rule-breaking. You also may not try to report her to her supervisor. Didn't know I already report YOU to YOUR supervisor did you?
- After all this, you may not expect all the other nurse to be extra nice to you. Bitch nurse has already activated the Crazy-Family-Alert.
Thank you and I promise your family member lying in that bed is my first priority. You, however, are not.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Challenge Accepted
I've developed a sick pleasure working in the ICU. Nothing kinky or anything like that. Get your mind out of the gutter. It defies all instincts developed in nursing school.
When I was a naive little student, I dreaded the bed bath. Even more so than the poop clean. So we'll just say I learned to face my fears after I landed my job in total care nursing.
Now I pride myself in my ICU "admission bath" skills. In my unit, everyone gets a chlorhexidine admission scrub down. EVERYONE. Alert & oriented X 3 will not get you out of it, sorry.
Most people aren't gross at all. Maybe there's a little yeasty goodness down yonder, or dry skin. No big deal. But every so often, we get a good one. One that gives us the deer-in-headlights look after we strip the covers off.
Teeth are blackened and missing. Breath smells like a rotting corpse. Beards to the navel with God-knows-what living inside. Skin dry and scaly and falling off all over the sheets and drifting into air. Sweaty armpits and dirt (or what we hope is only dirt) caked fingernails. Blackheads in places that shouldn't have blackheads. Slimy pudding like substances caked in the reproductive orifices. Smears of fecal matter on the rear. And toenails like gnarled dead tree branches.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
For seemingly hopeless cases such as this, we break out the triple threat. Chlorhexidine, Aloe Vesta Shampoo/Soap (or what ever daily wash we are carrying in the Pyxis at the time), and a nice bar of Dial Soap. Lots and lots and lots of soap, little bit of water. And basically I pour the whole concoction all over. Forget saving the linens that were already on the bed, they were ruined the second they hit the sheets.
So there's my secret. The triple threat can turn the nastiest patient into an ad for personal hygiene. Don't forget the hit the teeth with a chlorhexidine mouthwash of some sort.
Happy Bathing!
When I was a naive little student, I dreaded the bed bath. Even more so than the poop clean. So we'll just say I learned to face my fears after I landed my job in total care nursing.
Now I pride myself in my ICU "admission bath" skills. In my unit, everyone gets a chlorhexidine admission scrub down. EVERYONE. Alert & oriented X 3 will not get you out of it, sorry.
Most people aren't gross at all. Maybe there's a little yeasty goodness down yonder, or dry skin. No big deal. But every so often, we get a good one. One that gives us the deer-in-headlights look after we strip the covers off.
Teeth are blackened and missing. Breath smells like a rotting corpse. Beards to the navel with God-knows-what living inside. Skin dry and scaly and falling off all over the sheets and drifting into air. Sweaty armpits and dirt (or what we hope is only dirt) caked fingernails. Blackheads in places that shouldn't have blackheads. Slimy pudding like substances caked in the reproductive orifices. Smears of fecal matter on the rear. And toenails like gnarled dead tree branches.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
For seemingly hopeless cases such as this, we break out the triple threat. Chlorhexidine, Aloe Vesta Shampoo/Soap (or what ever daily wash we are carrying in the Pyxis at the time), and a nice bar of Dial Soap. Lots and lots and lots of soap, little bit of water. And basically I pour the whole concoction all over. Forget saving the linens that were already on the bed, they were ruined the second they hit the sheets.
So there's my secret. The triple threat can turn the nastiest patient into an ad for personal hygiene. Don't forget the hit the teeth with a chlorhexidine mouthwash of some sort.
Happy Bathing!
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