In which I'm personally victimized by a chronic pain drug-seeker.

A little background info: I live in a major medical district. I'm talking five hospitals within a 20 mile radius. No need for me or the fiance to travel out of our little bubble for anything but maybe some freak ass disease. 

Several months ago, fiance went to a popular theme park in The Big City about two hours away from home. He used to be a little punk-ass rocker dude, but all that's left of that now is his wallet-on-a-chain habit. And of course, since he could be a terrorist who could cause mass  chaos with a wallet chain, he had to leave said chain at the front gate. Thank God for security (sarcasm). 

Now since he is a skinny ass and has no wallet chain to bind him to his belongings, his wallet flies out of his butt pocket on a roller coaster.  Panic ensues and we call all card companies and banks and cancel everything yada yada yada. All better right?

Wrong.

A few months later, we get an ER bill from a hospital in The Big City. Then we get a bill from a Radiology group in the The Big City related to ER visit xrays. Someone is using Fiance's ID to visit multiple ERs.

"Someone is using your ID to get pain meds." I say when the fourth bill comes. 

"Why would they do that? Why wouldn't someone use their own ID?" he asks, confused.

"Because they did it too much with their own name and have probably been tagged as a frequent flyer by the ER staff."

"That's sounds like a lot of work." he says, still skeptical that someone would go through so much work and risk getting in trouble for a high/relief. 

Fast forward about five months, 50 ER bills, and one private investigator later. 

"They arrested the guy."he informs me. 

"Good! What did he have to say?"

"I guess the guy was a marine or something and had gotten injured and was just trying to get pain meds."

I just call it like I see it!!

Hope you got some momentary relief out of our year long hassle, asshole. I'm not saying to guy didn't have legitimate pain issues, but there is a right way to do things. And on another note, how badly are we treating our retired military personnel that they feel the need to steal to get medical treatment?

It's a zoo in here.

ICU does things to people.

Whether it's all the beeps, bells, and whistles. Or being tied down to a bed in an unfamiliar place with tubes sticking out of every orifice. Or the fact that you are not getting your normal dosage of [insert abused substance here]. Or a combination of all three.

One thing is for sure: if you're in intensive care for more than a few days, you will at some point lose your head.

Now, I'm used to the obscenity-screaming and boogie-spitting and bed-thrashing. As long as four point restraints are involved the insanity is quite funny.  But the simultaneous outbreak I experienced recently was particularly hilarious!

Four out of fifteen patients went bonkers at 1845. We are all sitting around, waiting for night shift to roll through the door rubbing their sleepy eyes, and we hear a call from one end of the unit.

"MOOOOO!!!!  MMMOOOOOOOO!!!"
Mr. DKA is moo-ing.

Then from the other end.

"Baaa. Baaaa. Baaa. Baaa. HHHeellLLLp MMmee!!" (just imagine a goat screaming for help)
That's Mrs. Schizo whose been off her meds.

"Meow wink wink meow wink wink."
MS Contin addict whose was alert and oriented five minutes ago thinks he a cat.

So, the unit turned into Old MacDonald's Farm. Then I ran home as soon as report was finished.